Nostradamus: 2012, or "Why Does Baloney Avoid the Grinder?"
I DVR'ed the new History Channel "fraudumentary" (thanks to Ricky Mooston for teaching me that word) "Nostradamus: 2012" this weekend and watched the whole thing last night. Here are a few thoughts. They're rather fragmentary, and it will tak eme a while to develope any one of them into a full entry. But I wanted to give people a sense of my reaction:
First, where do I go to get my two wasted hours back?
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The premise of this travesty of a documentary is that a supposed "lost book of Nostradamus" contains a series of prophetic watercolor drawings by the long-discredited French "water gazer." These highly symbolic works allegedly conceal signs of the end of the world, which is supposed to occur on December 21 of the year 2012. Remarkably, the predictions of cataclysm coincide exactly with the supposed prognostications of the Mayan "long count" calendar.
One of the paintings
from the supposedly "lost" book
of Nostradamus. The History
Channel's producers didn't
waste any time on it, since like
most of the others, it doesn't
support their tenuous premise.
_____________________________________
The event that is predicted for December 21, 2012 is referred to as the "Galactic Alignment" (GA). On the date in question, so the story goes, the sun and Earth will align perfectly with the black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy, thereby precipitating calamity on a global scale. I am wondering if any real scientists have anything to say about this. An astronomer, let's say. Can you guess how many of them were interviewed for the program? I bet you can! I have an email in to Phil Plait. I hope he gets it.
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Astrology takes up a lot of time in this show. Its importance to the premise is inversely proportional to its scientific validity.
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And speaking of scientific validity, there is a big (albeit hazy) alchemy connection here as well, and Isaac Newton is somehow involved. Apparently, because Newton was a brilliant physicist/mathematician, the fact that he also dabbled in the pseudoscience of alchemy is supposed to somehow lend credence to the whole Nostradamus myth. Apparently (according to the show), Newton actually knew that alchemy would never really turn base metals into precious ones. Rather, he (allegedly) saw alchemy as a kind of spitiual discipline for refining himself.
The producers never get around to telling us exactly how they know this about Newton. They just say it.
Alchemy is repeatedly referred to as a "scientific discipline" in "Nostradamus: 2012," and the producers seem to think that merely saying so is enough to make it so. In any case, they never make a clear connection between Newton and Nostradamus. Nor do they spell out the exact significance of alchemy in the end-of-the-world scenario. They strain to turn alchemy into some heady spiritual discipline, much the way an alchemist would strive to turn lead into gold, and with about as much success.
_____________________________________
A lot is made of the fact (if it is a fact—I'm not up on my Mayans yet)) that the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012. But I cannot find any specifically Mayan references that say exactly what is supposed to happen when the calendar runs out. The "experts" in "Nostradamus: 2012" have lots of ideas, but the Mayan connection is a bit tenuous here. And exactly what Nostradamus has to do with the Mayans is never made clear. Apparently, the coincidence of the two "prophecies" is just too much to ignore. Or something.
The connection appears to be made by the "experts" themselves. Their examination of the watercolor drawings yields some barely intelligible symbology which they force fit into their apocalyptic musings. One or two of their ideas look almost clever, but then I decided to look up this so-called lost book of Nostradamus and—surprise surprise! There is nothing whatever to connect the man with the book! There is no evidence that he was ever a painter, and nothing to suggest this book is his work.
Oh, the book does have the name "Nostradamus" written on it, so I guess that counts as evidence.
_____________________________________
The drawings on which the History Channel program focuses its bleary eye are a mere dozen, selected from some eighty in the whole collection. This raises a big red flag for me. Why did the producers exclude these others? Possibly, because they do not contain symbols that can be as readily force-fit into the silly premise of this foolish program. Here is one of my favorite excluded images:
It depicts the Pope—or at least, half of a Pope—chasing a dog with a sword. Hilarious! You just can't make this stuff up! (Oh wait, yes you can.)
_____________________________________
Another thing about "Nostradamus: 2012" that really cheeses me off: waffle words. Waffle words are the hallmark of the charlatan. The narrator's ominous, oily voice couches every preposterous claim in phrases like, "some experts say," and "many people believe." We never find out who these "experts" are (besides the excessively credulous interview subjects in the program itself). You hear this same phrasing in commercials for "detoxifying" dietary supplements and "male enhancement" products. Some experts say they work? Like who? What is their expertise? Neither the penis people nor the History Channel will tell us.
I think for my next entry I will examine the qualifications of some of the "experts" who consented to be interviewed in "Nostradamus: 2012." Meanwhile, please see the show (if you can stand it), and let us know what you think. Please link to this post if you like it!
First, where do I go to get my two wasted hours back?
_____________________________________
The premise of this travesty of a documentary is that a supposed "lost book of Nostradamus" contains a series of prophetic watercolor drawings by the long-discredited French "water gazer." These highly symbolic works allegedly conceal signs of the end of the world, which is supposed to occur on December 21 of the year 2012. Remarkably, the predictions of cataclysm coincide exactly with the supposed prognostications of the Mayan "long count" calendar.
One of the paintings
from the supposedly "lost" book
of Nostradamus. The History
Channel's producers didn't
waste any time on it, since like
most of the others, it doesn't
support their tenuous premise.
_____________________________________
The event that is predicted for December 21, 2012 is referred to as the "Galactic Alignment" (GA). On the date in question, so the story goes, the sun and Earth will align perfectly with the black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy, thereby precipitating calamity on a global scale. I am wondering if any real scientists have anything to say about this. An astronomer, let's say. Can you guess how many of them were interviewed for the program? I bet you can! I have an email in to Phil Plait. I hope he gets it.
_____________________________________
Astrology takes up a lot of time in this show. Its importance to the premise is inversely proportional to its scientific validity.
_____________________________________
And speaking of scientific validity, there is a big (albeit hazy) alchemy connection here as well, and Isaac Newton is somehow involved. Apparently, because Newton was a brilliant physicist/mathematician, the fact that he also dabbled in the pseudoscience of alchemy is supposed to somehow lend credence to the whole Nostradamus myth. Apparently (according to the show), Newton actually knew that alchemy would never really turn base metals into precious ones. Rather, he (allegedly) saw alchemy as a kind of spitiual discipline for refining himself.
The producers never get around to telling us exactly how they know this about Newton. They just say it.
Alchemy is repeatedly referred to as a "scientific discipline" in "Nostradamus: 2012," and the producers seem to think that merely saying so is enough to make it so. In any case, they never make a clear connection between Newton and Nostradamus. Nor do they spell out the exact significance of alchemy in the end-of-the-world scenario. They strain to turn alchemy into some heady spiritual discipline, much the way an alchemist would strive to turn lead into gold, and with about as much success.
_____________________________________
A lot is made of the fact (if it is a fact—I'm not up on my Mayans yet)) that the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012. But I cannot find any specifically Mayan references that say exactly what is supposed to happen when the calendar runs out. The "experts" in "Nostradamus: 2012" have lots of ideas, but the Mayan connection is a bit tenuous here. And exactly what Nostradamus has to do with the Mayans is never made clear. Apparently, the coincidence of the two "prophecies" is just too much to ignore. Or something.
The connection appears to be made by the "experts" themselves. Their examination of the watercolor drawings yields some barely intelligible symbology which they force fit into their apocalyptic musings. One or two of their ideas look almost clever, but then I decided to look up this so-called lost book of Nostradamus and—surprise surprise! There is nothing whatever to connect the man with the book! There is no evidence that he was ever a painter, and nothing to suggest this book is his work.
Oh, the book does have the name "Nostradamus" written on it, so I guess that counts as evidence.
_____________________________________
The drawings on which the History Channel program focuses its bleary eye are a mere dozen, selected from some eighty in the whole collection. This raises a big red flag for me. Why did the producers exclude these others? Possibly, because they do not contain symbols that can be as readily force-fit into the silly premise of this foolish program. Here is one of my favorite excluded images:
It depicts the Pope—or at least, half of a Pope—chasing a dog with a sword. Hilarious! You just can't make this stuff up! (Oh wait, yes you can.)
_____________________________________
Another thing about "Nostradamus: 2012" that really cheeses me off: waffle words. Waffle words are the hallmark of the charlatan. The narrator's ominous, oily voice couches every preposterous claim in phrases like, "some experts say," and "many people believe." We never find out who these "experts" are (besides the excessively credulous interview subjects in the program itself). You hear this same phrasing in commercials for "detoxifying" dietary supplements and "male enhancement" products. Some experts say they work? Like who? What is their expertise? Neither the penis people nor the History Channel will tell us.
I think for my next entry I will examine the qualifications of some of the "experts" who consented to be interviewed in "Nostradamus: 2012." Meanwhile, please see the show (if you can stand it), and let us know what you think. Please link to this post if you like it!
What a great review... would you believe that I have the history channel with this programme running now and having my netbook sitting on my lap decided to casually google "nostodamus bollocks" and found your review - had me in fits of laughter as I agree totally with you, its an utter mish mash of bollocks to fill up the sjy schedule - I wish they would make documentaries factual from a sound basis rather than construct theory from a mish mash of disconnected questionable opinion - anyway off the soap box Paul, you text made me laugh so good for you!!
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Guess what two keywords I put in to Google before finding this article. Exactly the same same two as Paul :)
Spoooky. Do you think there's something supernatural in it?
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Thanks for this. It really helped me out!
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The last Image is not right.
It supposed to be the Pope In a battle with a bear, the bear stands for Russia and the battle itself supposed to mean the cold war.
And the Russian became Christian and that was another reason to end the cold war
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You say it is a bear. I say it is a dog. How do you know you are right? Did people not know the difference back in those days?
What is the significance of depicting only half a pope? Is half a pope better than none?
Of what possible use is it to portray all these things using such obtuse symbolism? Why not--just once--say the thing clearly and directly, so that it can be understood without ambiguity?
Your "explanation" seems to suggest that Russia became Christian and that's why the Cold War ended. None of this is actually true. Russia did not become Christian and shows no sign of any major return to religious practice any time soon. To the extent that any religious franchise has been re-established since the fall of the Soviet Union, that religion is Russian Orthodoxy, which does not recognize the primacy of the pope. That seems to make this papal "prediction" another FAIL.
It is even an open question whether the Cold War actually ended, considering the miserable state of US/Russian relations. We are still spying on one another, still trying to outmaneuver each other with weapons and military aid to second-tier states. NATO is still going strong. You have no case. These "predictions" are idiotic and pointless. Why do you continue to wast your time on them?
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