Logical analysis of the Christian God
The following is part of a much longer forum entry at whywontgodhealamputees.com, a very cool web site I have begun reading. The entry (reproduced in italics below) is by a member who uses the screen name "Omen." When I read it, I laughed so hard that the blood of christian children I was drinking sprayed right out of my nose. (Eeeww. Sorry.)
The entry concerns a logical analysis of God, specifically,
... a 'christian' god, which is usually defined as omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent. That being is beyond our comprehension but not logical analysis.
Example:
1. God A wants to eat a cake in the next room with a bunch of new friends.
2. God A creates new friends and places them on the couch and tells them not to spill their drinks
3. One of God A's new friends spills his drink.
4. God A punishes all of his new friends and condemns them to stand on the porch outside.
5. God A insists that if they stay on the porch a set amount of time God A will allow them back inside and into the room to have some cake with him.
6. Some of God A's friends end up leaving.
7. God A allows some of his remaining friends back into the apartment, and into the room to have cake.
8. God A annihilates/tortures/torments/etc. anyone who left the porch
9. God A has some of his friends in the room eating cake.
1. God B wants to eat a cake in the next room with a bunch of new friends.
2. God B creates new friends and places them in the room to eat some cake with God B.
3. God B has ALL of his friends in the room eating cake.
God B is clearly more logically efficient then God A. The ridiculous nature of the above is a reflected analogy of the nature of the christian god. I know, it is hilarious. It is also not entirely correct, its worse - all of God A's new friends do not know he exists or that if they wait long enough on the porch he'll let them in!
Example:
1. God A wants to eat a cake in the next room with a bunch of new friends.
2. God A creates new friends and places them on the couch and tells them not to spill their drinks
3. One of God A's new friends spills his drink.
4. God A punishes all of his new friends and condemns them to stand on the porch outside.
5. God A insists that if they stay on the porch a set amount of time God A will allow them back inside and into the room to have some cake with him.
6. Some of God A's friends end up leaving.
7. God A allows some of his remaining friends back into the apartment, and into the room to have cake.
8. God A annihilates/tortures/torments/etc. anyone who left the porch
9. God A has some of his friends in the room eating cake.
1. God B wants to eat a cake in the next room with a bunch of new friends.
2. God B creates new friends and places them in the room to eat some cake with God B.
3. God B has ALL of his friends in the room eating cake.
God B is clearly more logically efficient then God A. The ridiculous nature of the above is a reflected analogy of the nature of the christian god. I know, it is hilarious. It is also not entirely correct, its worse - all of God A's new friends do not know he exists or that if they wait long enough on the porch he'll let them in!
Happy New Year!
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